Elvira
Mistress of the Dark…
Ep. 009 is live!
A simple warning, as I want this show and the write ups to be something everyone can enjoy: This week’s write up does touch upon issues of child neglect and abuse. If this is too difficult of a subject for you, please go no further.
Elvira, Mistress of the Dark... Man oh man oh chevitz. If you are a Gen Xer, or even late Millenial...You remember Elvira. And yes, yes...as a straight guy I could go on and on, ad nauseam, about how VAH-VAH-VAOOM she was/is...but that’s been done. In our episode, we chose, instead, to focus on the rise of Elvira’s popularity. We examine how the show, Elvira’s Movie Macabre, rose to prominence, gained national syndication, and how Cassandra Peterson was rocketed to mainstream success and stardom by way of her Elvira character. Naturally, we spoke about the movie, which is now a part of my yearly Halloween viewings. Overall, we celebrate how Cassandra Peterson created something that resonated with us all, and transcended simple local access to become a brand all its own. A brand that, believe it or not, is still in the zeitgeist to this day. For this write up, however, I’d like to get a little more personal. To do that, I want to take all of you back to 1987...to a time that, for better or worse, I basically got to do whatever I wanted to do. To a time and a place where out of loneliness, the idea for entertaining people was born...and how a cheeky goth babe from the valley figured into it all.
In 1987, I still lived with my mom, Tona Hoover. Now, my mother was far from perfect; at times, she sold our food stamps so she could get beer. Her and her boyfriend, the dreaded Lonnie, partied a little too hard, and oftentimes I was in a position to fend for myself. Silver linings, though? I learned a great deal of independence very early, and my imagination was given license to soar. One fairly bad downside was our apartment being directly behind a bar, Green Gables on Meadows Avenue. I still drive by it, sometimes. The bar has changed, I believe the apartment is still rented out. Truth be told, I couldn’t tell you why I drive by it, the act likely isn’t healthy. Something draws me there, though, every so often. I find myself parking and just looking up at it. I can see everything about that apartment in my head, clear as day. The cheap, thin, rusty orange-brown carpet. The slightly off-white semi-textured walls. All the trim, doors, and cabinets were that golden-orangey maple, except the top cabinets which were metal, with unknown layers of paint over them. Linoleum in the kitchen and bath of the same pattern, repeating squares of cream and harvest gold. Brown shag carpet in both bedrooms. That was my home. Dad’s house was just a weekend getaway. This was where I came home from Kindergarten at, where I ran to hide if a local bully was about. It’s also where I often woke up alone, and afraid.
See, the problem is that you had an alcoholic living behind a bar. That didn’t bode well. Many times, I’d wake up in the middle of the night to the sound of a test pattern on the TV. Initially, I was in the habit of shuffling to my mothers room to see if she was in there, but after so many times of coming up short I stopped looking. Now, I can’t tell you how I worked this problem when I was kid, but somehow I instinctively knew to walk across the alley and to get her from the bar. Did it suck? Yea. Was it scary? Yes, as well as confusing, because I didn’t understand drunks or being drunk back then. Did it have long lasting effects on me? Oh, shit yea. But...These things made me who I am, and believe it or not...some good comes of this.
Eventually, I hit a point where I knew damn well where she was at, and I didn’t feel like leaving the apartment. It’s hard to imagine a 5 year old becoming disaffected by something, but I managed it. So much so that one night I woke up, decided to enjoy some programming, and I locked the damn door. Not a joke. It was actually on a similar night where I turned on WEEK-TV 25, our local NBC affiliate. I recall watching Johnny Carson, nodding off here and there during Letterman, but then...our affiliate played one more show...Elvira’s Movie Macabre. Now naturally, I was attracted to Elvira, she looked a little dangerous to my 5 year old eyes. But as I watched, after having gone and made myself a snack, I found myself paying less and less attention to her physical assets. I might be able to tell you about the carpet in an apartment that I haven't stepped foot in since ‘87, thirty-six years if we are counting...but for the life of me I can’t recall the movie. I do, however, recall how funny I thought she was. This ritual, my mother getting blasted, me being left unchecked to watch late night television, continued for some time. Then a couple things happened to muck it all up, likely for the better.
As stated before, my old man was dating Susan by ‘87. And as I mentioned, I started to become more and more apathetic to my mom and Lonnie leaving me alone to go drinking. Well, one night I was annoyed. See, I had woken up, and on this occasion I wanted them back home. We get up to the apartment, she tucks me in, and I tell her I want her to stay, “Please stay with me?” The words resonate with me because my son, Henry, says those words to me even now. The difference is, I do stay back with him, or curl up with him. I remember her promising to stay and she wasn’t going back to the bar. I fell asleep, I woke up...and I was alone, again. What happened next was my earliest memory of vengeance. I knew how the door locked, so I locked it. I turned on my shows, grabbed my blanket and stuffed Sylvester, my orange tabby Morris curled up with me on the couch, I made a snack and I relaxed. Sure enough, they stumbled up the steps...to a locked door. They weren’t pleased by me finding the whole affair funny. Once they got inside they, mostly Lonnie, came unglued. When I was asked why I did it I very defiantly said “Because you lied to me!” Things didn’t get real bad until I said “you’re not my dad.” I got roughed up, and cried myself to sleep. How dad figures into this was the next time he and Susan had me, we went grocery shopping. We turned down an aisle, and I saw the Elvira cut outs used for promoting Coor’s. They both asked me how I even knew who Elvira was, and I told them. I was focused on how funny she was. Dad and Susan focused on the fact I was being left alone in the dead of night. Then the subject of Lonnie “disciplining” me came up. I’d see my father get angry over the following decades, and he and I even got physical with one another as I advanced through my teens and into my twenties. To this day, god rest his soul, I never saw my father as angry as when he took me back to her apartment. I’d find out years later that when he stormed up those steps, it wasn't about leaving me alone. He was pissed Lonnie hit me. The poor parenting just aided and abetted my father in the custody case he had already been building, unbeknownst to me.
Now, you may wonder how Elvira and childhood trauma link together. You’re not off base for asking as much. The thing is, what I just recounted was a very difficult time in my life. But what got me through was an unlikely hero. Sure, I had my He-Man figures to talk to when I was lonely. When I was scared of a bully, or maybe didn’t quite know what the right thing to do was or how to be brave in the face of a problem, I heard Liono’s voice in my head. By myself, alone at night...Elvira made scary things seem funny. Monsters became silly, part of a punchline and a gag. In a world full of sharp edges, her sense of humor softened things a bit. As I grew older, I’d learn more about Cassandra Peterson’s career, especially concerning Elvira. She is a very inspiring person. And in many ways, one has to consider these early content creators that made shows for local access the true OG’s for us podcasters and YouTubers. Really think about that for a moment. You know, it’s funny...I can recall when the 3 of us did the Ernest show, and we’d have listeners reach out and express how our simple little project helped someone get through a tough time. Sure, some people set out to create things to help people, but speaking from experience, limited as it may be...it seems that when one sets out to have a humorous creative endeavor, the main goal is obviously laughter. Growing up and having those late nights watching Carson, Letterman, and Elvira...comedy became a huge part of my life, my soul I guess. By making people laugh, I didn't feel so shitty or lonely. It made people happy. Oftentimes, it got me out of trouble. And being quick witted taught me a thing or two about not always using your fists to solve something. I owe a good measure of that to my early introduction to comedy, and Cassandra Peterson/Elvira figures pretty heavily into that.
It pleases me that, to this day, she is celebrated. Cassandra herself is still an icon. I think part of the reason why she and Elvira became such a fixture in the gay community goes far beyond the idea of campiness, that’s very much merely at the surface. Elvira represented being yourself, in all your naked glory. Being yourself doesn’t mean you never change or never try to improve yourself, but it certainly means accepting certain truths about yourself; immutable traits that aren’t going anywhere and make you the unique individual that you are. Elvira isn’t a stranger to the world of toys and products, either! There were a bevy of products put out in the heydays of Elvira’s popularity (I still need that damn cardboard cutout), but even recently she’s been immortalized by NECA and by Mattel Creations in the Monster High figure line; come on, you thought I wasn’t going to mention toys? In a sense...Elvira is not terribly unlike that cat that got Dustin, Jason, and I podcasting as a trio in the first place...Ernest P. Worrell.
It's amazing how very simple ideas can grow into very big things that mean so much to so many. And with that, I say thank you as always. I truly hope you not only enjoyed this episode, but our Halloween month in general. Fall brings out a great deal of nostalgia in me for some reason. That could be why I got so personal with this write-up. Or, maybe I just wanted to share a little bit of myself. Either way, thanks for listening, have a great Halloween, and we will see you next Monday. Thanks, and enjoy!
-Derek
